In many ways, our marriage is like all other long-term relationships. We do have a clear power dynamic as other female led relationships. A friend of ours, who also have a FLR, has been bringing together FLR couples for munches during this past year. We have met even more FLR couples for discussions and sharing. We also belong to a great spanking group and met so many people who have spanking as a regular part of their lives, after having this strong desire often since they can remember.
It is amazing how different all the FLR couples and spanko couples are, even though the woman in the relationship leads in most ways with FLR relationships. Some women like to micro-manage while others, including me, would find that too much work. As stated before, I like it that my husband’s goal is to anticipate my needs and exceed them. It took me years to fully accept his gift of submission. My guilt will be a different blog post.
There is no magic formula for FLRs. It’s been refreshing to listen to other couples who share our power dynamics who have FLRs, some long-term and some short-term. Some use punishment as part of their relationship, others don’t. Some have strict rituals, some don’t. Others have high protocols; others do not even know protocols exist. It is so specific to each couples relationship.
Ours is mostly a soft FLR. At the core, we are spankos. We love all types of spankings. We do all kinds of role plays, sometimes have others witness or even participate in the spankings. We mostly use traditional implements with my hand a nice brush as my favorite implements. We were also given a great school paddle, complete with holes, from another FLR couple. They let me pick from two paddles that were identical except the one had holes across the business end; I selected the holy paddle. 😊 The husband of the other couple was particularly thrilled when I made the choice, and the paddle left their home. It’s been used often on my husband’s bottom.
Jack – It was fun meeting with that FLR couple. They were also spankos, although his wife was a converted spanko. After probably 25 years of marriage, he confessed his desire to be spanked. She researched it on the internet, spoke with other women spankers and learned she loved dishing out spankings, mostly for fun. Rachel spanked him and his wife spanked me bare bottom then gave me the initial swats with the paddle they gifted us, well….gave to Rachel. It’s a perfect school paddle that works well in role playing but Rachel also sometimes uses it for true punishment when she is in a hurry. It gets the point across, usually over just my underpants.
Rachel – Some women in FLRs control all the finances. That’s not the case with us. Jack is great with money and controls his money and invests for both of us. We talk about finances like other couples and just figure things out but he is the one who invests and thinks long-term.
Unlike some couples, we do not have many rituals. Maybe someday but probably not. I like it when he rubs my feet with lotion. I do like controlling everything in bed but I usually let him enjoy a climax. Yet, that is entirely my choice. At times I have him please me and simply tell him to pull out and rub my back.
In the bedroom, he also is willing to do things he does not enjoy. We are fortunate since most things we engage in are things we both love. While I have trained him to best use his tongue with specific instructions, he loves giving oral sex as much as I love receiving. I also love to queen him, something we learned a few years ago. The first time we tried it (otherwise known as facesitting), it did not do anything for either of us. It was awkward. We tried it again, this time with me tying his hands to the bed so he simply had to follow my orders. I slapped his penis and thighs when I wasn’t 100% satisfied and my subbie boy delivered – big time. We’ve enjoyed it a lot since, although I usually do not restrain him.
He does not like anal. But part of our FLR is that he does what I want to do in bed. Warning to newer FLRs: It takes a while to get to where you want to go with a FLR. He would complain that he was really not in the mood for my strapon cock and I would back down. He cooks, does the chores, treat me like a queen and then I want to do something he doesn’t like in our bedroom. But talking with other women allowed me to be clearer with having my needs met. He cannot longer play on my guilt and cannot say he’s not in the mood. It’s his job to put his butt up, spread his cheeks and take my cock just like so many wife’s having to accept to please their husbands. It’s consensual since he did agree with this approach. Like I said, it took a while but it’s working now.
There is something empowering knowing that on any night I can strapon my large cock and tell my husband to bend over the bed or straddle me or any other position I want, when I want and as long as I want. I’ve enjoyed taking him in front of other women, teach other women how to take a man up the butt with my strapon cock and I have taken him in front of many at dungeons. I love how he does this just for me, turning red and accepting my leadership.
Mostly love making is fun spankings and gentle love making. Sometimes he will surprise me by lighting candles and spending more time with foreplay and pleasing me. Sometimes I accept his touch and lovemaking then tell him that I want him to rub my back or lick my butthole. It’s nice to have that level of entitlement.
There are things he loves and I’m more than willing to please him. He loves holding hands and when I give him a backrub. He loves receiving oral sex and probably get’s more blowjobs than most husbands. I love pleasing him even with our power arrangement. That is what is missing on the internet when FLRs are usually covered.
My suggestion to others who want to try a FLR is talk and listen a lot at first. Take it easy and some activities the woman really likes. Sit down, perhaps once a month, to figure out what is working and what isn’t working. We learned how to caliber our relationship by listening. For example, while I can use my strapon any time I want, when my husband is tired, he really has a hard time with a hard paddling or taking it up the butt. I’ve learned that if it is late, I just determine I will take his butt or truly paddle him the next day. It works for both of us.
It would be great to hear from others who read our blog about your own FLR – what works, what didn’t?